PRAISE GOD IT’S MONDAY!
A WEEKLY ‘WWW (world-wide word) OF ENCOURAGEMENT’
TO THOSE IN MINISTRY

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Issue No: 1054     Published: 27 Dec 2021

ANOTHER YEAR COMING UP!

Who thought, at the beginning of last year we would still be in Covid Time! 

Nature has had the last laugh!

Mankind is not quite as smart as we thought for nature is winning the battle currently.

Fortunately, here in Kenya and much of the warmer parts of Africa, Covid has not been a huge problem. Kenya, with now a vaccination rate of 12.5% and a population of 50 million people, has had 271,000 cases and 5355 deaths.

With Omicron now establishing itself here, we are moving into our fifth, and greatest peak, so far. 

Studies have been done as to why Africa has had so few cases, and a conclusion is that those who have had malaria, have some natural resistance to Covid! Great news for us!

May 2022 bring better things for you, remembering that we have Jesus to help us through.

Blessings

David and Kathy

 

 

THE TWO MARATHONERS Part 2

BACKGROUND 

In 1992, when I was but a 3 year old Christian, the Lord stopped me as I was nearing the end of reading the Bible right through – at Revelation 12:11 to be precise. 

“They overcame him (meaning satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” 

As clear as you are reading this, He explained basically what the verse meant, and told me to base my life’s work for Him upon it. 

Now, for a relatively new Christian, this came as a bit of a surprise! However, I was prepared to give it a go. So the next day, I can still clearly remember sitting on the couch in our lounge, wondering what to do and where to start. 

While sitting there, the Lord gave me this allegory of ‘The Two Marathoners.’ I hurriedly wrote it down, not wanting to forget, fully understanding my notoriously poor memory. The following day He gave me the interpretation. Of course, it took a couple of weeks to flesh out the outline and make the grammar acceptable to you, the reader. 

The allegory was given in three parts, relating both to the three parts of the key verse and of our walk with Jesus. Over the next 18 months the three-part ‘Walking With Jesus’ course evolved. One part of the allegory was included with each part of the course. However, it wasn’t until I had just about completed writing the course, or more correctly, holding the pen while the Holy Spirit wrote it, that I realised that the allegory lined up with the course perfectly. It had to be God, for I had no idea of what was to come when I was first given it. 

The 30-hour ‘Walking With Jesus’ course, consisting of 3 booklets and 18 hours of tapes, has been used by over 10,000 people over the past 8 years or so. Many people have found it helpful to a better understanding their walk with Jesus while others have found the Lord for the first time through it. 

I trust this story will inspire you too, to find or deepen your walk with Jesus.

THE TWO MARATHONERS 

Note: The gaps between the brackets (          1) are there for you to write in the underlying ‘spiritual’ meanings of the CAPITALISED words that proceed them, if you print this. The letters and numbers in Italics refer you to the answers that are found, along with the interpretation, at the end of each of the 3 parts.  The first two are given for free, so you can get the idea. Have fun – and get the Lord’s message too! 

 

Part 2: The Training (                         b) 

JEREMY JOGGER: (                           17) Jeremy went home that night feeling just great. The next morning, as he was reading the newspaper in bed, he saw an advertisement for a SELF MOTIVATION (                      18) seminar. “What a good idea,” he thought. “This will help me become a really good MARATHONER.” (                           2) Jeremy went along to the course and was full of enthusiasm for the SPEAKER (                        19) and for the marathon he was going to run. 

In his enthusiasm, the day after the course concluded he went along to the MARATHON CLINIC, (                      20) a group of SERIOUS MARATHONERS. (                               21) He came home deflated. “These girls and guys were so serious! All they talked about was running their marathon. They really seemed to enjoy it but I didn’t find it any fun at all. I won’t go back there again!” 

One evening a few days later, over an ALE (                          1) at his local pub – and a very convivial atmosphere it had too – one of the other PATRONS (                        22) suggested, “Why don’t you go and join the HASHHOUSE HARRIERS. (                           23) They don’t take their RUNNING (                             24) too seriously. They really enjoy a few beers and I am sure they will make you really welcome. I have heard that they can do with new members.” 

Jeremy went along and found it was just what he wanted. After a GENTLE RUN  (                                   25)  the  members  came  back,  had  an  ALE

(                 1) or 2 and  reminisced about past days of glory. They also spent time   ruminating   over   what   they   had   DONE   WITH   THEIR   DAY

(                              26) and debating heatedly amongst themselves which were the most successful TRAINING METHODS. (                               27) There was a small group of SERIOUS RUNNERS, (                                 21) but they tended to keep to themselves and were basically ignored by the majority. The TRAINING (                         27) wasn’t too hard and the social side was great. It really suited Jeremy and he was very happy there.

Waking up the morning after clubnights with a little bit of a HANGOVER,

(                           28) “Nothing to worry about you know, nothing a COUPLE OF ASPRINS (                              29) can’t fix,” Jeremy occasionally did have his doubts. However he always remembered back to what the CHAMPIONS FRIEND (                             7) had said. “Just BELIEVE (                              11) that you can do it and you will!” “Yes, that’s right,” Jeremy thought, “HE (                                   7) told me so.” Sometimes, in the minutes of throbbing before the ASPRINS (                      29) started working, his BELIEF IN HIMSELF (                              30) did waver a little, but as the Asprins took affect, his self confidence returned and he knew – well he almost knew – that because he BELIEVED (                    11) he was a MARATHONER, (                            2) he was one. That was what the CHAMPIONS FRIEND (                            7) had said, wasn’t it – wasn’t it? 

As RM DAY (                             15) approached he tried a few LONGER RUNS. (                                     31) They didn’t go too well, but he thought to himself, “I know I’m in REASONABLE SHAPE. (                              32) It will be okay on THE DAY, (                            15) won’t it? The CHAMPIONS FRIEND (                             7) told me so didn’t he? While I may still have some excess FLAB (                             13) round that mystical middle area and I might be a LITTLE SLOWER (                     33) than I could have been had I done more TRAINING, (                        24) I am sure I will make the FINISH, (                         34) won’t I? Won’t I! The champions friend did tell me so! I heard him! 

ROGER RUNNER: (                             35) Roger, on the other hand, got home that night from being with his friend Jeremy Jogger and thought to himself, “Hey, what is this I have committed myself to? I don’t look like a MARATHONER,” (                             2) as he felt those surplus ROLLS OF FAT (                              13) round that mystical middle area! “While I know  it  is  important  that  I  believe I  am  becoming  a  MARATHONER,

 (                           2) I  guess  as  a first  step,  I   had  better  go  on  a  DIET

(                             36) so  that  others  will  also  be  able  to  see  that  I  am

one. I’ve known for a while that I’ve been unhappy being a COUCH POTATO(                        10) but until  hearing the CHAMPIONS  FRIEND (                               7) I just didn’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE (                               37) any more. I now know I don’t have to. The OLYMPIC CHAMPION (                         5) SHOWED ME THAT (                         38) by the way in which HE WON THE RACE. (                         39) HIS FRIEND, (                               7) I remember, did say that as well as BELIEVING, (                          11) you still have to do the TRAINING, (                         24) to succeed. I have to admit that I don’t know  too  much  at  all  about  it  really,  but  I  have  said  I  WILL DO  IT,

(                             14) so I had better get some help. But how? The champions friend didn’t tell me that. 

The  picture of  the  CHAMPION (                      5) WINNING  THE RACE

 (                          39) inspired him though. Roger really wanted to be like him. With his dedication and determination, the answers to his problems soon sorted themselves out. Roger wrote them down so that they would be there for future reference.              

1.  I will buy the BEST BOOK ON RUNNING. (                                 40) It will show me WHAT MAKES ME TICK, (                                 41) how to prepare myself so I can FINISH (                           34) the race safely,    and   show   me   the   right   TRAINING   PROGRAMME (                        24) to ensure I run the BEST TIME (                      46)

possible for me.

2.  I will ask my friend MONTY MARATHONER (                           43) who has completed TWELVE (                         44) marathons, if he would mind guiding me, advising me on a one to one basis, about applying the TRAINING PROGRAMME (                              24) to my special needs, and to give me encouragement and support when I need it.

3.  I will go out and join the local MARATHON CLINIC (                 20) to enable me to train with other MARATHONERS (                         2) so that we can MOTIVATE (                       45) each other. I  will  take  notice  of  what I read  and  am  told  and I WILL DO IT. (                               46) 

Roger was true to his word. He ate BETTER (                     47) food, he studied his RUNNING BOOK (                         40) regularly, and kept in touch with his friend MONTY MARATHONER. (                        43) Under their  GUIDANCE (                           46) he steadily built up his TRAINING (                        24) until he was running 100 kilometres a week. He felt just great! 

One day however, he PULLED A HAMSTRING. (                            48) His world came to an end. He couldn’t train – what could he do! He looked up his   running   book   and   sure   enough,   it   told   him   WHAT   TO   DO  (                       49) about the INJURY. (                           48) He spoke to his friend MONTY MARATHONER (                             43) who put him in touch with the best physiotherapist in town. He also shared his woes with his friends at the MARATHON CLINIC. (                        20) They quickly reassured him that they too had had similar injuries, but had come through them with no ill affect. In fact, they would feel refreshed, and keener than before, once the INJURY (                 41) had healed. It would just take time and patience. And so it was. After 10 days Roger was back training with more enthusiasm than ever, but also a little wiser. He now made sure he did his HAMSTRING STRETCHING EXERCISES (                          50) thoroughly before each workout. 

Then came the CHRISTMAS SEASON. (                         51) Roger was just so busy at work. Everyone wanted everything yesterday. He also had go to his wife’s work Christmas party, to the children’s school breakups, to buy presents and do the 1002 other things we all inevitably get involved with at Christmas. There just weren’t enough hours in the day. Something had to give. Yes, you’ve guessed it. It was Roger’s training. It soon showed. The KILOS  (                          13)  started   going  back  on  again  as   the  DIET

(                              36) was put to one side – just for a while! “We all have to share in Christmas cheer don’t we – just to make others happy,” Roger thought to himself. “The CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, (                        1) you know!” Roger got so involved with the spirit of Christmas that he remembered his TRAINING (                     24) less and less, until, when Christmas Day came, he had just about forgotten it altogether. After Christmas, he took the family for a holiday and they enjoyed themselves so much that he never gave his training a second thought. 

Roger had been back home for a couple of days and things were beginning to settle back to normal again. He went to the fridge, grabbed himself an ALE, (                       1) then went to sit down in his FAVOURITE ARMCHAIR. (                       52) Just as he sat down however, the phone rang. It was his friend and guide, MONTY MARATHONER. (                43)

“Haven’t  heard  from  you  for  a  while,  Roger.  How  is  the  TRAINING (                                 24) going?” “Training? What training? Oh, I remember now, my marathon training. Look Monty, I have just been so busy with Christmas and doing things with my family, I haven’t had any time to train,” Roger said in a terse voice. “That’s okay Roger, it’ your MARATHON. (                         15) Just thought I would give you A CALL. (                           55) If I can be of any help you know how to get hold of me.” Monty hung up. 

Roger glared down the ear piece of the phone as if expecting his ‘ex-friend’ Monty  to  jump  out,  grab  him,  and  force  him  back  into  TRAINING     (                           24) again, all against his will. “How dare he!” Roger muttered to himself. 

But nothing happened. After what seemed an eternity of silence, a now more pensive Roger thought to himself, “Can’t really blame Monty for how you   are   feeling,   Roger.   He   did   say   the   CHOICE    WAS    MINE.”  (                        54

Roger hung up the phone in quiet despair. “What am I doing?” he thought to himself as he picked up his ALE (                      1) and sat back down in his ARMCHAIR. (                           52) He just couldn’t relax. He looked down at  that  unmentionable  middle  area  and  saw  how  the ROLLS OF FLAB (                                  13) had reappeared over recent weeks. “I will never be able to run the ROTORUA MARATHON (                        15) now,” he thought sadly. But I HAVE TO, (                            55) I’m committed! What have I done? What can I do?” He sat silently and pondered. Gradually, he came to accept the inevitable. He thought aloud. “I’ve no alternative but to ring Monty back, apologise for my behaviour and ask him to help me get back into training. Otherwise I will never be able to COMPLETE THE COURSE.” (                          34) Slowly he pushed himself up, out of his armchair, dragged himself over to the phone and rang his friend, MONTY. (                         43) “I am sorry,” he said when Monty picked  up  the  phone on  the first  ring, “I  was  COMPLETELY  WRONG  (                            56) to give up my TRAINING. (                              24) I am so sorry for being rude to you. What can I do now? I really NEED YOUR HELP.” (                            57

Monty accepted his apology gracefully, told him ALL WAS FORGOTTEN, (                         58) but suggested he would be wise to learn from his experience, because if it happened again he might not have time to PUT THINGS RIGHT (                         56) before RM DAY. (                       15

Monty  then  suggested  he  go  back  and  re-read  his  RUNNING   BOOK.

(                      40) Then he, Monty, would help him devise a new training programme to get him back into shape for the big day. He also suggested 

that Roger go back to the MARATHON CLINIC, (                            20) in spite of Roger’s obvious reluctance to do so. Roger thanked Monty and agreed to DO (                       46) as he had suggested. 

He was surprised, when he returned to the Marathon Clinic, to find that his FRIENDS (                        47) welcomed him back with open arms. A good number of them had also been through the same experience. 

Roger settled back into his training, his MILEAGE (                     31) quickly returned to normal, the FLAB (                       13) disappeared even more quickly than it had come, and he got fitter and fitter. 

Several times over the next few months he let himself down by MISSING A DAY”S TRAINING, (                            59) but he now knew that he could confide in his friend and guide, MONTY MARATHONER, (                   43) who would gently counsel and encourage him back into his training programme.

 

UNDERLYING SPIRITUAL MEANINGS

FOR WORDS IN ‘THE TRAINING’ 

ALLEGORY WORDS                    SPIRITUAL MEANINGS

b.  The Training                                The Christian walk

1.  Ale, Christmas spirit                    Worldly pleasure, Satan’s deceit

  1. 2.      Runners, Marathoners                Christians

Friends, Others                            Christians

5.  Winner, Olympic Champion,       Jesus

      Champion, Victor, President, Him  Jesus

7.   Champions friend, His friend, he     The evangelist, pastor or teacher

10.                                                    Couch Potato      Worldly

11.                                                    Belief & derivatives, Knew         Faith and derivatives

13.                                                    Rolls of fat, Flab, Kilos   Worldly pleasures

14.                                                    The Decision, Will do it  Decision for Christ

15. Rotorua Marathon, RM Day       Judgement Day

17.                                                    Jeremy Jogger     Worldly minded, Uncommitted

                                                         Christian

18.                                                    Self-motivation   Worldly success, New Age thought

19.                                                    Speaker   New Age philosopher

20.                                                    Marathon Clinic  Spiritual church

21.                                                    Serious marathoners (runners)    Spiritual Christians

22.                                                    Patrons    Demons

23.                                                    Hashhouse Harriers         Spiritually dead church

24.                                                    Running, Training (programme)  Christian walk of obedience

25.                                                    Gentle run           Self generated good works

26.                                                    Done with their day        Worldly pursuits

27.                                                    Training (methods)          Theologies

28.                                                    Hangover            Sin’s reward

29.                                                    Asprins   Worldly justification

30.                                                    Belief in himself Mans striving

31.                                                    Runs, Longer runs, Striving         Good works

32.                                                    Reasonable shape           Living a good life

33.                                                    Little slower        ‘skin of teeth’ salvation

34.                                                    Finish & derivatives, victory, goal          Eternal Life

35.                                                    Roger Runner      Spiritual (obedient) Christian

36.                                                    Diet         Leading a new life

37.                                                    Live that lifestyle            Worldly life

38.                                                    Showed me that  Way of Salvation

39.                                                    Won (Winning) the race  By/on the Cross

40.                                                    (Best) Running Book, Book        The Bible

41.                                                    What makes me tick        Fallen man

42.                                                    Best time Best salvation

43.                                                    Monty Marathoner, Me   The Holy Spirit

44.                                                    Twelve    Hebrew number means ‘Divine’

45.                                                    Motivate  Support of Christians

46.                                                    Will do it, guidance, do   Obedience      

47.                                                    Better      Spiritual          

48.                                                    Pulled hamstring, injury, mountain         Trial and testing

49.                                                    What to do          Perseverance   

50.                                                    Hamstring stretching routine       Spiritual warfare

51 Christmas season                         Backsliding experience  

52.                                                    Favourite armchair, Armchair     Self satisfaction

53.                                                    Give you a call    Pricking of conscience

54.                                                    Choice was mine Man’s freewill

55.                                                    I have to  Everyone faces judgement      

56.                                                    Completely wrong, Put things right         Repentance     

57.                                                    Need your help   Submission     

58.                                                    All was forgotten            Forgiveness of sin       

59.                                                    Missing a day’s training  Sinned

There are others too, not listed here. Can you find them? 

INTERPRETATION OF

‘The Training’ (of the Christian Walk)

 

THE CHRISTIAN WALK FROM MAN’S VIEWPIONT:

The story compares the walk of 2 types of ‘Christians’ and/or 2 types of churches. 

The first, Jeremy Jogger, views the walk from a human religious perspective, motivated essentially by self. It is an easy walk, as it requires little commitment. Satan basically leaves it alone as it is serving his purpose just fine the way it is. 

The second, Roger Runner, lives the walk. Christ becomes the centre of life, the reason for living. This walk requires commitment and obedience to bring about the promised rewards. God tests this commitment and satan attacks it with vigour. Overcoming through submission to God’s purpose for our lives leads to spiritual growth.

 PHOTO: Training at Runners City, Eldoret, Kenya, where so many champions train.

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FROM THE WORD

THE WORDS OF JESUS
May we hear what the Lord is saying to us.....
 
  

The Disciples Return (Matthew 14:13, Mark 6:30-2, Luke 9:10, John 6:1)

With their news. Jesus takes them away from the crowd. 

“Come with me, just yourselves. We’ll go to a quiet place, and rest for a while,”

 

Jesus Feeds the 5000 (Matthew 14:15-21, Mark 6:35-44, Luke 9:12-17, John 6:3-14)

Near Bethsaida, where a crowd had gathered. 

“Where can we buy enough bread to feed all these people?”

“Sit them down in groups of about fifty,”

“Collect what’s left over so nothing is wasted.”

 

Jesus (and Peter) Walking on Water (Matthew 14:24-33, Mark 6:48-52, John 6:16-21)

In the storm. The disciples see Jesus. 

“Don’t worry, it’s me! Don’t be afraid!” 

Peter walks - then sinks. 

“Come on then,”

“You have such little trust in me. Why did you doubt?” 

 

Jesus - The Bread of Life(John 6:22-59)

When the boat reached the other side the crowd asked how He got there. Jesus replied. 

“I tell you the truth,” “you’re looking because you ate as much bread as you wanted, not because you understood the miracles. Don’t be preoccupied about food that doesn’t last, but concentrate on the lasting food of eternal life which the Son of man will give you, for God the Father has placed his seal of approval on him.”

“What God wants you to do is to trust in the one he sent.”

“I tell you the truth, it wasn’t Moses who gave you bread from heaven,” “It’s my Father who gives you the true bread of heaven. For the bread of God is the one who comes from heaven and gives life to the world.”

“I am the bread of life,” “Anyone who comes to me will never be hungry again, and anyone who trusts in me will never be thirsty again. But as I explained to you before, you have seen me, but you still don’t trust me. All those the Father gives me will come to me, and I won’t reject any of them. For I came down from heaven not to do what I want, but to do what the One who sent me wants. What he wants is for me not to lose anyone he has given to me, but for me to raise them up at the last day. What my Father wants is for everyone who sees the Son and trusts in him to have eternal life, and for me to raise them up at the last day.” 

Then they disagreed with Him. 

“Stop grumbling to each other,” “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me attracts them, and I will raise them up at the last day. As is written in Scripture by the prophets, ‘Everyone will be taught by God.’ Everyone who listens to and learns from the Father comes to me. Not that anyone has seen God, except he who is from God; he has seen the Father. I tell you the truth: anyone who trusts in him has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your forefathers ate manna in the desert but they still died. But this is the bread that comes down from heaven, and anyone who eats it won’t ever die. I am the life-giving bread from heaven, and anyone who eats this bread will live forever. The bread is my flesh that I give so that the world may live.

 “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you cannot truly live. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood remain in me, and I remain in them. Just as the life-giving Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so anyone who feeds on me will live because of me. Now this is the bread that came down from heaven, not the kind your forefathers ate and still died. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever.” 

(Continues next week) 

 

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OUR AFRICAN EXPERIENCE

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May 2022 bring better things for us all!

 

WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE ALL WAITING FOR?

The Kenyan Government, under an onslaught of Omicron cases, is making a COVID INJECTION compulsory in dealing in person with a Goverment Department.

Kingdom Faith Based Hospital has now received vaccines to enable us to assist, free of charge, the local and wider community. 

We are now on our 5th spike of covid cases and this one is already twice as high as the previous ones and still on an upward trend!

All this, of course, is relative, for most of Africa has been little affacted, in comparison with other countries.

My personal opinion is this strain will peak quickly, and then decrease quickly also, as it runs our of people to infect. 

What is next? No-one knows. Nature is proving itself to be more powerful than man!

THE POLICE NEED GLASSES!

Police are good supporters of Kingdom, both the locals for general services and those in the wider area, for glasses. 

Here is a box of frames waiting for our Technician Ronny, to grind the lenses into shape to fit the frames. 

 

STAFF CHRISTMAS CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE MARSHMELLOWS IN THE CENTRE

Here in Kenya, the people do not have a sweet tooth until it comes to drinking tea. Then they pour the sugar in!

Today Kathy made a plain cake that was enjoyed by all. 

Our Locum Moses, who is a 4th year medical student, cuts the cake for us.

The day was remarkably busy, unlike previous years when it was very quiet. A great sign that the hospital is growing and becoming better known and more accepted within the community.

BOOK OF THE WEEK

AND THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE 

 
THE CENTRAL FOCUS OF THE TEACHING OF JESUS

 

Let us begin…..

 

 

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One key element here is the setting out in chronological order (as far as it is possible to do so) our Lord's words drawn from all the Gospels, and the elimination of repetition between Gospels.

You may be surprised by the different perspective this presentation gives you both in understanding of His life and ministry, and in achieving a closer relationship with Him.


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DAVID'S DOODLINGS

TO BE or TO DO
 
711. When 'to be or not to be' is the question, 'to be and to do' is the answer.

712. True 'being' results in 'doing'.

713. 'Being' without 'doing' is like a motor without a car. Makes plenty of noise but takes you nowhere!

714. 'To be' is the salt, 'to do' the light. We are called to be both.

1220. Our walk with Jesus is to start off with applying the 'don'ts' of the Law and to end up doing the 'do's' of His will.

1221. The sign of maturity in Jesus is when we live not only the 'dont's of the Law' but live the 'do's of righteousness, submission and obedience to God's will' in our lives.

1222. The 'don'ts of the Law' form firm foundations, but walls and roofs of a godly house are built of submission to God's will.
 
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TUESDAY TEACHINGS

TUESDAY: LIVING THE KINGDOM LIFESTYLE continues

..... with the Parable of the Talents and that of the Ten Virgins.

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LAUGHING AT OURSELVES

    ***Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused*** 
                     *** Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. ***       

137. The Church Dictionary 

 AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. 

 BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the sermon. 2.Church air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending church. 

 CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. 

 HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octave higher than that of the congregation's range. 

 RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at church, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. 

 JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. 

 JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. 

 MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough. 

 PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Churches. 

 RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of church - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. 

 RELICS: People who have been going to church for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand without prompting. 

 TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. 

 USHERS: The only people who don't know the seating capacity of a pew

 

138. Church-Lite 

Does it seem to you that churches these days just expect too much from their people? Well before you remember that Jesus told us to pick up our cross and follow Him daily, read the following announcement, then repent!  

Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches. We guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal... low Calvin, that is. We are the home of the 7.5% tithe. We promise 35 minute worship services, with 7 minute sermons. Next Sunday's exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 500.  

We have only 6 Commandments-- Your choice!! We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament *Good Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings*. We take the offering every other week, all major credit cards accepted, of course. We are looking forward with great anticipation to our 800 year Millennium.  

Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley could be just what you are looking for. We are everything you want in a church... and less!!  

QWIK QWIP: “Millions who long for immortality don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon. “ 

 

139. Value For Money 

After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning." 

The father commented, "The sermon was too long." Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar."

 

Download the book 'Laughing At Ourselves' in PDF format at LAUGHING AT OURSELVES One of the most comprehensive sources of Christian Humour on the Net with 800 sermon fillers for your entertainment and use at ..... https://www.wwj.org.nz/content/wwj18p47.pdf

Or read even more online at..... 

https://www.wwj.org.nz/laughing-at-ourselves

A DAVID MUSING

 After 2 years of Covid, we are looking towards a non-Covid 2022. 

Unfortunately it is not starting out that way, with the new variant Omicron. 

Fortunately, it looks like that one will come and go quickly, for it will run out of people to infect!

Being realistic, what the future holds after that we simply do not know.

But for me, I have Jesus to be with me and see me through the ups and downs of life. 

He is My Master, my Lord and my friend. I will obey His desires for me as long as I am able to, until I go to join Him.

Thank you Lord.

His servant and yours

David Tait


Visit us here..... 

https://www.wwj.org.nz/about

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Our role is to bless and encourage those in ministry while promoting co-operation and unity of direction amongst the body of Christ, as emphasised 3 times by Jesus in His longest prayer, immediately prior to His arrest and crucifixion. "... so that they may be one as we are one." (John 17:12, 21, 23-4) Our website is currently being developed to encourage your participation one with another, to share resources, and to enable you to promote events and items of interest to the body as a whole - and have a smile while doing it!

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